It seems to me that oftentimes God pulls us out of the comfortable, out from where we are content.
I've asked why.
Sometimes I see things, read things that tear me open.
I feel deeply.
I'm bled empty for pain I can't touch.
I write blog posts that I never publish because they're too vulnerable, probing where I have no answers.
I've gone places I never thought I would, met people that floored me.
Sometimes I understand why.
Sometimes the reason is not so obvious.
Sometimes I ache for things that I can't change and people I can't reach.
Sometimes I want things for people that I can't give them.
This was my aching lament to a friend awhile back and our eyes brimmed with grief over loss of depth in this generation.
And God's hearts brims and aches over His children's apathy.
We are so blind to His presence, to His goodness in every, every moment.
I just want to grab them by the shoulders and look into their eyes and beg them:
"Lift up your eyes... He is here! Don't you see?"
And yet I know their blindness.
I know what it is to stumble in the dark, to see no answer, no goodness.
I struggle to remember when exactly it changed.
Because pain fades slow and self-forgiveness comes slower and sometimes it's one step forward and two back.
I've fought healing too.
But the Word is the eye by which I see.
He is my anchor, my hope, my light.
His Word is power and it breaks every chain.
The ink carves through the lies I believed for so long.
If anything, that's the one thing I've gotten right.
So I shake my head and whisper it half to myself,
read the Bible. Memorize it, repeat it until it becomes your oxygen.
And I pray a little harder and learn to trust a little deeper.
God will work it out in time.
Breathe the Word.
He can penetrate the most apathetic heart.
I know because He did it for me.