Reckless Abandon

There comes a time when it is no longer enough to sit on the rocks and watch from the shore.

When observing from the sidelines - held back by the fear of the unknown - does not satisfy.

When the mystery of the deep and the calm of the waves beckon.

"Come," they say. "Dip your toes in our coolness."

Adventure is calling...

My soul is heavy with the unknown burdens I've grown used to carrying.

Oh, how my spirit yearns to be free of all that holds me back.

To let go may kill me, but the hurt of standing still is greater than the pain of moving forward.

So in a surge of desperate hope, my bare feet seek the water's edge.

I wade in, slowly, to my waist.

The initial iciness of the water's touch cuts deep and surges life through my veins.

I remember comfort out from the cold - of sun on rocks - forgetting the unrelenting heat and harmful rays.

I glance down to see looming shapes hiding deep beneath the murky water and fear touches me.

It is not too late to turn back - to give in to the pull of going back to what is safe and known.

But longing pulls harder than complacency.

I step out tentatively, until I stand further out on a smooth, flat rock.

In front of me the rocks end and all I see is the cloudy darkness of deep water.

All at once I am terrified.

I stand half-submerged, half-dry in the untamed calm of the water.

Glancing back, I see where I came from - the dry rocky land - and though I sense the appeal of security onshore, I know that there is no joy to be found there.

Where there is no danger and no risk, there is no place for victory and no appreciation for life.

Though I am terrified by the unknown of the deep water and what it holds, I know that to turn back now would require me to stop living, because it would mean giving up the very purpose for which I was made.

I realize that I have been standing here - half in the water, half out - for far too long.

There is no committing myself halfway.

The choice awaits me: dive in or turn back, yet I know there is no choice.

So I laugh in the face of my fears - they will not hold me back any longer - and in a moment of reckless abandon, 

I dive.

The rush of cold shocks my senses and I swim, kicking and twirling in the deep calm.

I break the surface, delighted and laughing at the simplicity of it all.

The sun shines warm on my dripping face.

The sky reaches limitless from coast to coast above me, cloudless and perfectly blue.

I am all alone in the vast water that stretches out to the distant shore.

I wonder breathlessly at my smallness in the greatness of the One who created the water deep and the sky unending.

Who am I?

Yet here I am in waters beyond my depth, singled out and wooed in alone to taste the sweetness of surrender and trust.

Who knew that one could feel so out-of-control and yet be so at peace?

But isn't that the mystery of the deep?


"Can you fathom the mysteries of God? Can you probe the limits of the Almighty? They are higher than the heavens above - what can you do? They are deeper than the depths below - what can you know? Their measure is longer than the earth and wider than the sea."  Job 11:7-9