Thursday, February 21, 2013


I come home and weeks pass.

I publish a post with no words.

My notebooks sit untouched. I haven't rhymed since that day of tears and innocent blood and questioning why. Except on my guitar.

I pick it up and finger the strings. Lyrics come and I lay them in lines then turn the page and forget because some songs only need to be sung once.

But I read and I study and I take notes and I dig because I have to know.

I'm missing something.

Now I'm back from Africa where everything was new and exciting and an adventure and I'm back to dragging myself out of bed in the morning and studying American government so I can graduate high school and this is it? This trying to push on to the next thing in life so I can really start living?

Why am I here again?

I unpack and cry for two days straight and I sleep off the jet lag. But something has changed in me again and I'm not satisfied with going through the motions because I need to live for something.

What am I living for?

I talk deep to one friend about true faith. His passion for the Word of God brings it to life.

I can't stop reading it.

I'm tossed back and forth between reveling in this deep Love that I have fallen into and wrestling with my nature of so quickly losing sight of the One who has so thoroughly captivated my heart.

Wrestling, always wrestling - like Jacob with the angel of the Lord - and waiting weary for my stubbornness to give and Him to teach me more of the name I've been given.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'"  2 Corinthians 12:9

And it is in my weakness that He is strongest in me because I have no strength of my own to turn to.

"There is nothing else I need anymore..."

This deepening desire to know Him, to truly know the heart of my Father.

My prayer has been that of Moses: "If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so that I may know you and continue to find favor with you."  Exodus 33:13 

No matter what it takes, God, teach me Your ways because I want to know You.

Oh, this great Love that soothes and calms and heals. To know this wholeness in Christ as He breaks me deeper to heal the hidden, broken places. To know that every ache and disappointment in this life only serves to draw my heart back to Him and remind me that nothing else satisfies.

Break me, if that's what it takes. Because in the brokenness, I find You.

So I come empty and I find Him there.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."  Matthew 11:28-29

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11


  1. Wow. This is beautiful. I really felt your prayer here. It is mine too. How grateful I am to have you as a friend, my dear, dear Grace. I love you!!! <3 <3

    1. Thank you dear:) I know it is, you have such a beautiful heart toward Him! I am thankful for you! Love you more! ;)

  2. Powerful, Grace. I wish you the best in these trials, and I'll be praying for you.

    1. Ahhh, but this is less a trial than a journey! All great adventures bring difficulties, but it is the working through them that is the wonderful part! There is no seeing the mountaintop until we have done the hard work of climbing... Pure joy, my friend! (James 1:2-4) :)

  3. Oh my sweet girl, I'm so thankful that you have an insatiable hunger to know Him, to dive deeper into relationship with Him. He is the only thing in this life that completely satisfies. Truly He is that pearl of great price that is worth selling all you have for.

    1. Thank you:) This is more encouraging than you know. So true!

    2. God has given you a gift for poetic writing Grace! Will be praying for you as well!

    3. And I am so thankful to Him for that. Thank you for your prayers!

  4. This moves me more than you know... Well, you probably do know, because its these truths that ring in me as well! I love your heart, and your gift of writing your heart! Seeing you live out your faith with such sincerity, and engaging God in the greatest love-pursuit, I'm inspired in the deepest of ways. I'm so honored and THANKFUL to walk this journey alongside someone so real, so gone in God, someone so truly in love with our Father, as you! We will never give up, will we??! :)

    1. I knew you would like it:) Thank you and thank you again, this brought tears. No, we certainly will never give up. :)

  5. You are a very powerful writer.

    I have felt this way so often, I know how it feels to wrestle like that. I also know what it feels like to be broken, it's one of the most painful and beautiful experiences I have encountered so far. Allowing yourself to be broken and then healed by Him is one of the best things that can happen, He will always be ready to come with all of His strength when you are broken and weak. Blessings on your walk.